Battle-Station - Rap-Battles

du kommst heim und sogar dei; ne katze is am fauchen
deine pflanzen gehen ein und; deine schlampe erstmal saufen
einfach jeder braucht ne pause von dir; keine muskeln; v ausschnitt
tragende scheiß saufnase; du bauer ehy du taugenix
deine bitch meist dicker als; die andern wie son daumen ring
ich könnt dich jetz live zerstörn .... könn´ aber auch daumen ring´
auch wenn sies nich will film ich; nen clip grade beim sex
und der landet dann im netz; wie son spannschuss von tevez

Aleister hat geschrieben:du kommst heim und sogar dei; ne katze is am fauchen
deine pflanzen gehen ein und; deine schlampe erstmal saufen
Metrik schön, lässt sich sauber flowen. an sich ein schönes bild, die Pointe ist jedoch langweilig.
einfach jeder braucht ne pause von dir; keine muskeln; v ausschnitt
tragende scheiß saufnase; du bauer ehy du taugenix
reim cool, formulierung unschön. pointe nicht vorhanden.
deine bitch meist dicker als; die andern wie son daumen ring
ich könnt dich jetz live zerstörn .... könn´ aber auch daumen ring´
ne, ne, ne. das ist nichts.
auch wenn sies nich will film ich; nen clip grade beim sex
und der landet dann im netz; wie son spannschuss von tevez
schöne formulierung. wäre noch besser, wenn du bei im vorbereiter das reimschema vom ende hättest. so etwas in die richtung "auch wenn sies nich will ich film mit kamera den sex...
vergleich aber wieder sehr öde

potenzial ist eigentlich vorhanden. du weißt, wie man reimt und weißt, was metrik ist. die formulierungen und die vergleiche bzw. pointen sollten sich aber noch deutlich verbessern

trainz

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